Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Did I show you my penis last night?
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
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Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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