Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
this hospital has no fireball
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
