I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
