Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How does one acquire holy water?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
