If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
