So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
