its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
