My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
