I could have mohawked her pubes.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
