I love having hate sex.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
