Your dad touched me again.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
