Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
