I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
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mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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