Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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