please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
