Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
