I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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