How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He told me they were just razor bumps!
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i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
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Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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