You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
