Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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