Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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