my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
