barbara walters just said penis...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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