Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
