I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
