I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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