I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
