her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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