Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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