god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
