i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
