respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
