i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
