how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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