i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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