After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
