You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
