hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I love having hate sex.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
