final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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