You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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