gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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