if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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