Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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