it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
