smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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