Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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