never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
