I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
