dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
