You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
