I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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