Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
