Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
