my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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