The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
