Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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