he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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