You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
