Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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