I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I need to calm my uterus...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
