Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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