Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
