Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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