I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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