sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
