You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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