my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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