I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
