Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
