Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
