Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There r osticjed everywhere
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
