just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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