we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
