You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
