I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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