I am puke
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
