please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
