Girls should come with a carfax report
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night