I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively