What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.