I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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