WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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