I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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