In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i've created a new STD.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
