Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
