Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
