I bet he comes in French.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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