Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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