I think I died a long time ago.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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