I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
