its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
